Tuesday, 18 March 2008

  • Excerpts from the book...Part II

    Chapter 5 was about finding a good network of people - mentors - to help you and listening to the harsh truth they may tell you:

    ..."[My mentor] challenged me in the most loving yet bold way I have ever been challenged...And she challenged me to read the Bible every day of my life...I realized through this process that the kind of fish you catch depends on the kind of bait you put on the hook.  I want to be the kind of woman who is filled with the Word of God, and I want my future husband to be the same way."

    The most likely way to find a future marriage partner is through an introduction by family, friends, or acquaintances.  Depite the romantic notion that people meet and fall in love through chance or fate, the evidence suggests that social networks [the old-fashioned kind] are important...


    Chapter 6 was an amazing chapter that would relate to single men and women as well as married couples.  It's called "Waking a great sleeper".  After I finished reading it, I immediately forwarded it to my HC.

    But where are the men? In a word, sleeping...Few have strong role models. And so they're passive. Thankfully there are things you can do to encourage single male believers in their role as initiator. One of the greatest motivators is your belief...They need women who see in them, and encourage, what God designed men to be before the fall. Your respect is what leads to his pursuit...Men empirically need respect the way women need love...

    Then she goes on to talk about how to discern a potential mate's character:
    Even the best test of character will be inconclusive. Why? Because you're dealing with young men, not fully mature grandfathers. In her article, "Faith for the Man He'll Become," Carolyn McCulley talks about the downside of knowing godly married men. Just as this generation expects to have all the material wealth now that it took their parents fifty years to accumulate, we expect young men to have the godly character of someone who has been married several decades. She writes,...While you are called to be discerning about the characters of the men you befriend or court/date, you also have a part in encouraging these men to grow.
    You're not going to find 100 percent maturity before marriage, no matter how old the guy you're dating is. That's because it's not just the passage of time that seasons a man's character. The process of being married matures men if they stay committed.

    Hopefully, as you look at the single men you know with "eyes of faith", they're doing the same with you...What you're looking for is aptitude. No matter how old he is, he must have the ability to learn what it takes to be a husband and grow in that role...

    From "Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend" by Pastor Michael Lawrence regarding the question "is he/she the 'one'":
    If what you're after is a marriage that will glorify God and produce real joy for you and your bride, it's also the wrong question. That's because the unstated goal of the question is 'How do I know if she's the one...for me."...[the question] puts the women on an extended trial to determine whether or not she meets your needs, fits with your personality, and satisfies your desires. It places you at the center of the process...In this scenario, you remain unexamined, unquestioned, and unassailable - sovereign in your tastes and preferences and judgments...The problem of course is that as a single Christian man, not only are you going to marry a sinner, but you are a sinner as well.

    Instead of asking if he's the right one, what you should be asking is, "Will [we] be able to serve God better together than apart?"

Monday, 17 March 2008

  • Currently Reading
    Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen
    By Candice Watters
    see related

    Notable excerpts from the book...part I

    I don't want to include too much because if you feel encouraged, I want you to purchase the book.  But here are some snippets so far:

    ...Be open about your desire to marry...talk about it with your friends, just like you talk about all the other things you hope to do...in our anti-marriage culture you have to be strategic...The men my girlfriends and I knew were passive in the midst of a relationally chaotic society.  So being passive in return was getting us nowhere.  But I was confused.  Wasn't it my role as a Christian woman to just wait?  "To be feminine is to nurture, not merely respond," Mary [Morken] said.  "Women have the advantage when it comes to verbal skills, and they can bring healing to the very men they need to take more initiative." ... I'm not going to parrot the "girl-power" feminist worldview.  Men have a key role to play.  And how the single women they know relate to them has everything to do with their momentum toward marriage...cultivating...a live that's in harmony with God's work on your behalf; a life that nurtures men and the community around you to play their roles so that you don't have to carry it all.(pages 17,19)

    If it's all up to you, you're limited to your own wisdom, strength, and resources.  If it's all up to God, you can lose sight of the possibility that what you do - or don't do - can undermine your chances of marrying well...The effort to marry well is a shared one.  Men have a significant role to play, as do your family and church community.  While our fallenness has affected everyone's ability...to contribute their best to the symphony of making good marriages, we are not without hope.  "The plans of the Lord stand firm forever...the purposes of his heart through all generations" (Psalm 33:11).  God hasn't changed...And when our understanding of God's role is flawed, our actions follow suit. (page 69)

    Never-married women are a lot like Peter walking on the water...Peter had the confidence to get out of the boat and join Jesus in a miraculous stroll.  "But when [Peter] saw the wind," the Scripture says, "he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'  Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.  'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'" (Matthew 14:3-31).  It wasn't that the wind suddenly appeared, throwing Peter off.  The storm had already been raging.  He lost sight of what was most important - God's presence in the midst of the storm.  Our culture is like that storm.  To survive it, we have to keep our gaze on Christ...Have you applied the reality of His truth, love, power, wisdom, forgiveness, and redemption to every area of your life, including your relationships with men? (pages 74-75)

    Just as with bread, I believe God provides husbands and wives for those who desire to marry. Ultimately, it's God who brings us a mate. But not in the way He dropped mann from heaven. This is a book about means - about how God can provide marriage through the work of our lives and those around us - not in a frenzy of desperate activity, but in a symphony of faithfulness among of community of believers pursuing the lives God has called us to live.(page 79)

  • Singles, check this out!

    Amidst all those magazines for Weddings, Parenthood, and Babies...here's one for us!

    http://www.boundless.org/

Sunday, 16 March 2008

  • Currently Reading
    Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen
    By Candice Watters
    see related

    Reading again...

    At work, when I'm trying to figure out some code or something with the application I've built, I'll often refer to the admin/user guide.  When something with the TV or the Wii doesn't work, I'll pull out the instruction manual.

    In the same way, I'm trying to figure out my life right now - so I'm diving into the Word(again), the Arrival Kit(with JoAnne, yea!), and the Candice Watters' book I referred to in my previous entry.  Unfortunately, the "instructions" aren't as obvious, and there are no pretty diagrams or enumerated steps.  There's no Do-It-Yourself video that I can watch.  It takes time and thought which after a long day's work, I have very little of.  But I think the reason why I have problems falling asleep at night and why I feel so overwhelmed is because I'm not finding comfort in Him.  All day, my co-workers and my client depend on me to provide answers, guidance, and assurance.  Generally, I always have a response for them.  But when it comes to my own life, I'm kinda clueless.  I know where I want to be, but the path to that destination is a little hazy and whether or not it's what God has planned for me is unclear.  So, I'm referring back to the "user's guide".

    I just started Get Married, which, already, is turning out to be a great book for anyone to read - male, female, single, or married.  She refers to Scripture a lot, so you know it's not just her own musings but grounded in the Word.  I'll be updating my blog with thoughts from what I've read.  So stay tuned....

     

     

Sunday, 17 February 2008

  • What a blessing...

    What an amazing weekend!  Friday we had joint HC at New Life with guest speaker Avis Rideout from AGAPE House followed by prayer from 11pm-2am.  It's so amazing to see these women (Marilyn Laszlo, Jill Briscoe, and Avis Rideout) who aren't "spring chicken", but have so much energy and vibrancy beyond their years (or rather inspite of their years).  You know it's the Holy Spirit and the joy of serving in the name of the Lord that gives them that abundant and contagious vitality.
    The prayer time was great, too.  It's one thing to pray on your own and a whole other experience to pray as a body.  Pastor Tae had us get into groups of 3 where one person prayed to Our Father, one to the Holy Spirit, and the third to the Son Jesus Christ.  Even though you weren't paying attention to what others were saying, you could feel their prayers and your prayers being lifted together.  One word - Wow!
     
    Also, I was SO encouraged and blessed on the way to Target as I listened to the Sunday night program on KSBJ.  It was like God was speaking to me through this program.  It was geared towards single Christian women who are ready to marry, and the guest was Candice Watters who just wrote a book "Get Married:What Women CAn Do to Help it Happen".  
    How many of you or your single gal pals think - "If it's God's will, then marriage will happen in His time"?  Yes, you should have faith and trust in the Lord, but we shouldn't just sit back, do nothing, and wait for God to make things happen.  You wouldn't say "If it's God's will, then I will get into law school" and not study or prepare for the LSAT and submit applications.  Similarly, Candice was talking about single women "living intentionally and preparing to marry well."
     
    The below is from her website:
    About the Book:
    Getting married is more than a lifestyle option or just something that would be "nice if it happens." Not only is marriage good and natural to want, it's what most of us are called to pursue.That's the message of Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen.
    There's a difference between making it happen and helping it happen. This isn't a book about desperation or the hyper activity of joining every dating service and singles group. It's not about making cold calls or tackling a list of 100 tips for meeting hot men.

    Get Married is about living like you're planning to marry. It presents a lifestyle that esteems marriage, encourages men, empowers women, and embraces Christian community and a biblical understanding of what marriage is for. Most importantly, it shows women that marriage is a worthy goal that's within their grasp.

    You can be content with where you are today and still desire marriage in a way that honors God. And there are things you can do to help it happen.

    Excerpt:
    You may have a hunch it's not as easy to get married as it once was. If so, you're right. Since 1970, the marriage rate has declined 50 percent. In that time, the proportion of American women ages 25–29 who have not married has quadrupled. Currently the average age of first marriages is 26 for women, 27 for men — as old as it's ever been. Conventional wisdom says later marriage means the bride and groom will be more prepared for the responsibilities of marriage, but many women are ready now. And they're frustrated by the delay. Sociologists blame the delay on the additional educational and career development necessary to marry well. Add to that the confusion over gender roles, cultural worship of youth, the lack of biblical literacy, uninvolved parents and extended family, the fallout from divorce, disengaged social circles, and an often silent church and you have the makings for much uncertainty. Women are left wondering, what's the best path to marriage?

    ... If in the midst of these cultural realities, "just pray and wait" sentiments leave you depressed, I think you'll be encouraged by the message of this book: there's something you can do.

    Whether you're wondering if you'll ever get a date, stuck in a "just-friends" relationship or worried that the guy you've been seeing forever will never move toward marriage, this book offers help. It's for all the women who long for marriage but are afraid to admit it; embarrassed by their deepest desires or concerned that maybe they want it too much. It's for the parents of single women who wonder if there's anything they can do. And it's for married friends of singles who want to help but don't want to intrude.

    This is not another book about seeking fulfillment in your singleness. As beings created in God's image; we were designed for relationship — that's why extended singleness leaves so many women discontent. It's also why we should be intentional about finding fulfillment in marriage. Getting married isn't just something that's "nice if it happens." It's what most of us are called to pursue.

    Pursue, but not dominate. I'm not advocating getting married at all costs. But marrying well, for God's glory, is a worthy pursuit. There's a difference between making it happen and helping it happen. I'm not going to parrot the "girl-power," feminist worldview. Men have a key role to play. And how the single women they know relate to them has everything to do with their momentum toward marriage. This isn't a book about desperation or the hyper activity of joining every dating service and singles group. You won't find a list of 100 tips for meeting a hot man or five things you can do today to help you get married tomorrow.

    What you will find is a way to live like you're planning to marry. Not just having a hope chest — but cultivating a lifestyle that is consistent with the season of marriage ahead. A life that's in harmony with God's work on your behalf. A life that nurtures men and the community around you to play their role so that you don't have to carry it all. Finally, you'll find in the context of this marriage-minded lifestyle a new confidence to pray like you never have — trusting that marriage is a goal within your grasp. You can risk hoping that you will get married. You really can help it happen.

Tuesday, 22 January 2008

  • Long time coming...

    Finally, after living at my place for nearly a year, the master bedroom, the guest bedroom, and the 2 guest bathrooms are painted.  Decorating is like eating a bag of chips...once you get started, it's hard to stop.  After painting the guest room (fka the baby room), I was already tired of painting.  So, I hired a colleague's husband, who has his own painting company, to do the rest.  He did a great job, and I could trust him to be at my place without supervision.  But now when I look at the area of the house that was painted by another person (who did a horrible job), I want to redo those spots.  Then, I look at the wood floors and want those replaced.  When I look in the master bathroom, I want to completely gut it.  This is what happens when you watch too much HGTV.  I need to pace myself, but then again, it would be nice to get it all over with...though would be a huge cost upfront.

    I think I'll first focus on designing my dream bedroom.  I've been waiting to get the painting done before I truly furnish the room.  Right now, I only have a desk with a computer, a bed, and a small TV and TV stand.  I want to create a comforting and relaxing room with a reading corner (aka big comfy armchair+bookshelves+reading lamp+soft, warm throw).  Anyone wanna join me at IKEA this weekend?

    Before/after photos are forthcoming...

    Ugh...I've got a huge headache from the paint fumes...

Sunday, 18 November 2007

  • I'm Back...

    I went to San Francisco and all I got was a cold!  Well..that's not all I got, but it's what I'm dealing with right now.  Poo!  Not the way I wanted my Thanksgiving week to be.

    The conference was much more hectic than I had expected.  I was pretty much in sessions from 8 - 6 everyday.  I did get in some shopping before the conference started and had some real good Indian food with a friend.  I felt like I was in college again - some of the sessions were real boring (I nearly nodded of in one), I was walking from building to building with my backpack laptop bag, and I ate lunch in a cafeteria.  Didn't even get much time at the exhibition halls - so no free stuff.. Explanation - remember career fairs in college?  A bunch of companies with boothes giving out free stuff like pens, gadgets, stress balls, etc...  Exhibition halls at a conference are much the same, but they also have drawings for prizes.  Some of the companies had games at their booths - Wii, race car arcade game, spin the wheel, massage chairs (that was my company), and so on.  I usually come back with a bunch of flash drives, pens, toys, and such, but this time I barely got in half an hour to say "hello" to my colleagues manning the booth.  The weather was pretty mild except for the first night I was there.  It was rainy and nasty and I didn't have an umbrella.  Thankfully, when I registered for the conference, we got a bag with an umbrella in it.

    The highlight of the week was the concert on Wednesday.  You have to understand - this is a HUGE conference that Oracle holds everywhere.  There were nearly 50k people and the city was pretty much full of conference goers. Various companies throw boocoo money and sponsor a ton of events.  Billy Joel, Stevie Nicks and Mick Fleetwood, and Lenny Kravitz performed at the Cow Palace near Oakland.  There were 3 stages for each headliner, free food, and free drinks (alcoholic and non-alcoholic).  The main acts didn't start 'til later so the opening bands were En Vogue, The Smithereens, and some caribbean group.  Looking around, I could tell some people were not conference goers.  But, I'm not surprised that some people sold their wristbands on ebay or something - free music, free food, free booze?!  I wasn't feel too well, so I didn't stick around for the whole night, but I did get to see Lenny Kravitz and Billy Joel.  I also got to see a fight nearly break out and a woman getting carried out by paramedics.  Didn't expect to see any drama considering this is a conference of nerds, basically.  Lenny and Billy were amazing.  Watching Billy Joel made me miss playing the piano and watching Lenny made me want to learn to play the guitar (yes, I still have the guitar and it's collecting dust...Fernando has played more on it than I have).  Not that I would ever get near to their abilities, but it seems so much fun to just jam out.  For now, I'll have to settle with being a Guitar Hero (yes, I got Guitar Hero III for the Wii!).

    Anyways, I'm glad to be back home though I'm stuck at home nursing my cold or flu or allergies.  I was looking forward to seeing everyone at church today, but figured I shouldn't spread my germies.  I miss you all!  Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

    Note:  Jeannie, I took your advice and downloaded Lifehouse from iTunes - got Who We Are and No Name Face.  I love it!  His voice is so scruffy but pure...and the lyrics are so amazing!  I was listening the No Name Face album and Everything came on and it started raining.  Perfect!

Thursday, 08 November 2007

  • Hello again...

    First of all, InspireWomen was awesome!  The messages were so convicting and Kathy Troccoli was amazing.  She took famous songs from the 60s and changed out some words so that it was God focused.  It opened up a whole new world of praise and worship.  These past couple of weeks have been so convicting - between the topics covered on Sunday, at house church, and at the luncheon/conference.  I feel fired up - like I just got back from a retreat or something.  Unfortunately, the loads and pressure at work keep deflating me.  I'm spending a week in San Francisco for the huge Oracle OpenWorld conference, so it'll be some well deserved downtime.

    Lately, I've been mostly listening to KSBJ on the way back and forth from work and classical during work.  Consequently, I haven't listened to any new secular music or even the stuff I have.

    So, I revisited my expansive iTunes library (3,093 songs) and got re-acquainted with some of my favorite songs and bands.  Here are some you may not have heard of:

    • G. Love - Lemonade: If you like Jack Johnson, you'll love G. Love.  You can't help but feel good after listening to this album.  It also features a duet w/ Jack Johnson.
    • Ray LaMontagne - Till the Sun Turns Black: He's got the voice that's so beautiful, poetic, and a little scruffy.  Imagine maybe a male Norah Jones.  If you've never heard him, look for the single Trouble (on a different album) and you'll never turn back.
    • Stellastarr* - Harmonies for the Haunted:  Reminds me of 80s brit-pop - Depeche Mode, Morrisey, The Cure...all of which I love!
    • Postal Service - Give up:  You've probably heard Such Great Heights on the UPS commercials.  It's like an electric version of the 80s pop music.  Even the song Nothing Better is remniscent of the great 80s Human League hit Don't You Want Me
    • Michael Tolcher - I Am:  Michael opened up for Gavin DeGraw in San Antonio (that was a crazy night, you'll need to ask me about it...long story short, we hung out with the band and Gavin after the concert). Anyways, he put a lot of heart and soul into his performance which completely sold me.  He's a believer, too and you kinda get that feeling in some of his songs.
    • Rachel Yamagata - Happenstance:  She's one soulful sista!  You feel along with her.
    • O-Zone - Ma Ya Hi - Dragostea Din Tei:  Okay this is a random one.  We did a music exchange on one of my projects amongst the music lovers and this was one submitted by a colleague.  It's sung in Romanian and was a hit in Europe dance clubs.  I have no idea what's being said, but you can't help but get caught up in the catchy tune.  Great "wake-up in the morning and go" song.

    Other artists you may want to check out (that I'm revisiting myself): Cibo Matto (Japanese-born girl duo!), Morcheeba, Bloc Party, Johnny Lang, Kings of Leon, Pete Yorn, Raconteurs, Spoon...

    Got any recommendations?  Feel free to share!

    Anyone want to go to a concert?  I'm dying to hear some live music..maybe even to a place that has a live band...please...anyone?   Oh, and there are a bunch of symphonies and operas I want to go see next year...anyone?  anyone?  Bueller?

Saturday, 06 October 2007

  • I'm so happy....

    After a long drought with nothing on TV but re-runs and baseball (sorry, I just can't get into it), football is back!!!  It makes me happy.  Unfortunately, my Texas Longhorns haven't been doing to well.  What is wrong with our defense against the pass????  Seriously.  Despite the dismal performance of my alma mater, you can't help but love watching the pomp & circumstance, the tradition, the rivalries, and the Cinderalla stories.

    The NFL is another things - I don't have a favorite.  My interest align with my fantasy football time that is currently 2-2 in the division, tied with Mr. Gone Fishin (aka Roger).  Louis has somehow maintained an undefeated record.  Maybe I'll be able to change that come Week 6.  Maybe my first round pick will start living up to his hype - come on, LT!  As usual, my team is riddled with injuries, but Chad Johnson and the Vikings D have turned up some good numbers to keep me in the running.  I'm rooting for a girl to win the league.  Between myself, Mooncakes (Joanna), and Lil' Vady (Thuy), I think we've got a good chance to bring the boys down!

    So, I was doing some research for a parody we were going to do for the IT video and came across these websites:  http://www.faithvisuals.com, http://www.sermonspice.com that contain video clips that help make a point. Kind of like short versions of those NOOMA DVD's Joe's been showing at HC.
    This is relates to what Pastor Eric referring to when he talked about how not to fast.
    Is this how you treat your Bible? I know sometimes I do.
    Mac vs PC spoof
    Sacred Singles
    Getting out of your comfort zone

     

    Enjoy!

Wednesday, 12 September 2007

  • Currently Listening
    Hillsong Ultimate Worship
    By Hillsong Church Australia
    see related

    2 Months Later...

    Okay...time for an update:

    The House - Not much has changed here.  Still haven't had any house warming parties.  Still haven't bought my bookcases.  Still haven't painted.  I did, however, buy a poker chip set and a poker table top.  All I need is a folding table and then Girls' Poker Night will finally happen!  I might actually have some free time starting next month (see work update), so hopefully I'll get back on track with decorating and furnishing.

    Work - It's been pretty rough lately.  The good thing is that my project is wrapping up.  The bad thing is that we're ending sooner than expected, so I'm cramming as much as I can in a very short amount of time.  This translates to long hours, working weekends, and possibly missing Austin City Limits this weekend.  I think I left my seat just 3 times in a 12 hour span today.  Is it only Tuesday?  Feels like Thursday.    I've been getting a lot of calls and e-mails from recruiters and former colleagues at other companies.  I do like consulting - the variety, the challenges - but sometimes I think I'm getting too old for the work.  Hahaha.  A couple of years ago, I would have never entertained the notion of being a stay-at-home mom.  Now, I can totally see myself being one.  All these years climbing the corporate ladder, I can just as easily trade-in my project status meetings for PTA meetings.  Funny how your perspective can change so much in just a few years...

    Fantasy Football - I'm in a new league this year with folks from NLF.  I'm hoping to avoid my usual curse - a key running back injuring himself and sitting out the season.  Hopefully, my 1st round pick stays healthy.  I've gotten some flack lately about being in the league.  I'm not entirely a girly-girl nor am I all tom-boy.  I like sports and I know something about teams and players, but will that forever brand me as the "just one of the guys"?  Have you seen the TBS show "My Boys"?  It's like a much more entertaining version of my life...that and I don't have a major league baseball player, a botanist, or a world-travelled journalist pining for me...at least not yet.    I took the very scientific "guy's girl or girly girl" quiz on the website - results: "Half & Half.  Good balance of knowing when to put on the designer pumps & that you should never wear them when you are drinking tequila slammers."

    Went to the fall retreat over Labor Day weekend.  I had some of the best sleep ever during that time.  With my cell phone not working and not a laptop, computer, or TV in sight, I had no distractions...nothing to clutter my thoughts at night.  It was so nice to be around God's natural creations.  My next vacation will definitely have a "nature" component to it.  It was so reviving to be around hills, greenery, and clean air.  Marilyn Lazslo shared such amazing testimonies.  I hope to be as feisty as her when I reach 74.  Lately, I've been struggling with being still and discerning God's will for my life.  But as Marilyn said, God knows the plan for our lives and reveals it to us in His timing.  In work and in life, I always like knowing what the next steps are - what to expect, to see what's around the corner.  But I need to just surrender, listen, and trust in God regardless of what timeline my parents, friends, or colleagues may think I should be follow.  It's hard, though, to drown out the constant questions...Am I heading in the right direction?  What's God going to show me next to break me down?  When is the suffering going to happen?  What is His mission for me? 

    Hide me now
    Under your wings
    Cover me
    Within Your mighty hands

    When the oceans rise and thunders roar
    I will soar with You, above the storm
    Father, You are king over the flood
    I will be still and know You are God

    Find rest my soul, in Christ alone
    Know His power, in quietness and trust

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